Understanding INFJ Procrastination and Energy Management

So many INFJs report that they feel like they’re procrastinating. They’re not really moving forward in the things that matter most to them, and it seems like they’re living in this loop, over and over again, year after year. But the truth is, this isn’t just normal procrastination. This isn’t as easy as it sounds, so please don’t feel bad about it. Don’t shame yourself for it. At the end of the day, the reason why this is happening is that we can’t focus on so many things. There’s always one more thing to take care of, some people you could help, or one issue still in your way before you can see clarity. The truth is, our energy is just so diffused. We’re able to pick up so much that, if we’re not actively creating priorities in our life, we’re going to get sidetracked. That’s what INFJ priority management is all about.

Five Signs Your INFJ Energy Is Scattered

Today, we’re going to talk about five signs that your INFJ energy is scattered and how you can align with what matters most to you. Before we get started, I want to let you know I created a new poster for you: the INFJ Priority Code Checklist. This will help you set priorities on what matters most to you. If you want to take it to the next level, now is the perfect time to join our boot camp because, in our next live call and in the weeks after that, we’re going to focus on priority management for INFJs. Our next live call will be on May 31st, so make sure to join. Until then, everything you need to know can be found through the links in the description.

Sign 1: You’re Trying to Manage Everything Mentally

As INFJs, we have the capacity to take care of so many things simultaneously. That’s just in our nature. We can think about the problem our friend is having, what we need to do for our grandma, or the next thing we have to take care of before the really important thing has space to be experienced. The fact is, we can focus on so many things mentally, and if we’re not doing that, we feel like we’re not living up to our capacity. So, our natural tendency is to occupy that space, thinking, “I do have capacity, so of course I have to take care of all those things.” But this is what’s holding us back.

This is why INFJ priority management is so important. We will never get out of that space if we continue focusing on everything we can focus on. It’s just not how our mind works. We have to actively limit what we focus on and say, “Although I can take care of this, I will not. I will choose not to focus on this mentally so I can make space for other things.” So often, INFJs are not aware of this because we’re talking about mentally thinking about things. Letting go of something that’s happening on autopilot in your mind is easier said than done.

Moreover, we think, “If I’m not actively going out and doing something tangible, then I’m not doing anything. So, what’s the problem?” But it is a problem, I promise you. When I started my journey, I had to cut out so many projects in my life, so many energies I was connected to, because I needed that energy to focus on what mattered most to me. Think about all the friends and family members in your life where you feel like you’re taking care of them emotionally and energetically. You’re tuned into their energy, making sure they’re safe, ensuring they can always come to you. When you choose yourself, you’re actively reducing or cutting off that connection to some extent.

Start thinking of it this way: we do have to prioritize our energy and focus on the things that matter most. That always starts with who you’re becoming, what your mission is, what your vision is, and what you want to put your energy into actively. Then, figure out a way to incorporate all those relationships within that framework. Don’t think, “Oh, I need to fix this first,” or “I need to make sure my parents are okay,” or “I need to ensure my house is in order.” All those things can happen, but they should be a secondary priority.

I always give this example: if there are things that are important and urgent, like paying your rent, you’re going to find a way to make it happen. But the things that matter to you, like writing that book, where nobody’s going to ask you about it? Those are the things you have to prioritize because there’s no external pressure. The external pressure will help us take care of the things that need to be done, but it’s our internal pressure that we must apply to the things that matter most to us. This has to come before friends needing our help, friends needing our attention, or projects that are incredibly important to us. If we want to be there for them, we have to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first.

The first and most important step is to recognize that if you feel like you’re procrastinating, not really taking steps, and feel stuck, it’s probably because your energy is very scattered, and you’re focusing on way too many things mentally. This is even before you take action on anything.

Sign 2: You Confuse Urgency with Importance

This is one of those things we talk about in detail in boot camp. As I mentioned, there are things that are important and urgent, like paying your rent, and there are things that are urgent but not important, like washing your clothes. Yes, you need to do that, and it’s urgent, but it’s not really important. For example, if you say, “I’m going to write my book on Saturday morning,” even if it’s late at night on Saturday, you’ll still wash your clothes or do it on Sunday because you need clean clothes for work on Monday. That’s a basic example, but even that is something most people don’t prioritize correctly because of the urgency behind it.

There are also things like a friend calling you, saying, “Please, do you have five minutes to listen to my problem?” I understand that, but if you were at work and doing something expected of you, nobody would be mad at you for saying, “I’m sorry, I’m working right now.” You wouldn’t have a problem saying that to yourself or others. You could say, “Currently, I’m not available to be here for you,” and everyone would accept it because you’re working. But when it comes to prioritizing what will help us become the person we want to be, it seems less important. You think, “Of course, I’ll have five minutes for you; it’s just five minutes.” But those five minutes turn into fifteen minutes or an hour, you know how it is.

This is a basic example, but you have to be very clear and strict with yourself when it comes to understanding that urgency does not trump importance. Nobody’s actively waiting for you to write that book. Nobody’s actively waiting for you to take the next step in your evolution. This is why we have to prioritize these things because they are important but not urgent. They might feel urgent in the sense of, “Let’s do this, let’s get this done,” but there isn’t the emotional or energetic urgency. That’s why we have to prioritize what is important over what is urgent, and this is something you have to orient your entire life around.

Of course, we should allow room for things that are urgent, but think about the most important things you’re probably not taking steps on because it feels like too much. One of the reasons we don’t have the energy and focus to take action is that we prioritize things that are urgent but not as important as the things that should matter most to us.

Sign 3: You’re Avoiding Structure Because It Seems Too Limiting

If you asked me how I would describe myself and the energy I want to feel, the first and most important expression would be freedom. I love freedom. I don’t like people telling me what to do. I need my own energy, my own pace. I don’t like to be told what to do, so I understand where this comes from. I’m definitely a free bird, a free spirit, so I know how that feels. But the truth is, if we are not setting structure for who we want to become, we’re actually limiting our freedom. If you’re not deciding on a lane or a direction, you’re not really free because you could go anywhere, but you don’t.

This is the typical scenario of a bird sitting in a cage with the door open, but the bird isn’t flying out. If you want to experience freedom, you need structure. Structure actually allows you to be freer. I remember a mother of a friend, who was German, telling me when I was six or seven years old, “Order is half of your life.” I thought, “What a boring life! How can you believe this? You’re giving up so much.” Nowadays, I completely understand it. Order allows you to be freer than anything.

Think about it in terms of your house. A person with a cluttered house also has a cluttered mind. Those people are not free. I know people who live in such environments, and I know how they feel. They feel stuck, closed in, and don’t know what step to take because there’s no room to grow. Everything is full, and there’s no order. The more order you create in your life, house, and mind, the more it allows you to put your energy toward what you want most.

I’ve gotten to a place where I know I’m going to focus on what I want most and create order. I don’t think it limits me because I’ve seen the alternative. This isn’t just about household stuff; it’s about the kind of energy you allow in your life. I don’t want to control others, and I don’t want others to control me, so I allow all the energy to happen. This is a typical INFJ thing: I won’t go into your lane or tell you what to do; I’ll do everything I want over here. But the truth is, there is emotional chaos around us. Things and people will pull on our energy and attention, and it’s really important to understand that order does not limit your freedomit enhances it.

Start with what matters most to you. Say, “This is what I have to put 80% of my energy into,” and create order and structure to make that happen. This is also about setting boundaries, saying, “This is how I’m going to show up, this is what I put my energy into, and I’m going to create a container for who I want to become.” For me, when I started my journey over ten years ago, this meant stopping partying and hanging out with people who weren’t helping me become who I am. I limited contact with people who would only stay in my life if I focused on them.

Think about how many situations and dynamics in your life are happening because you are keeping them alive. If you pulled your energy back and focused on what matters most to you, would those relationships stay the same? Probably not. Some people would reach out, but many relationships would go their separate ways, and that’s okay for now, particularly when you say, “Now is my time to focus on me.” The fewer interactions you have where people want something from you, the better. This doesn’t mean waiting for people to stop asking for your energy; it means actively choosing to focus on something else.

Decide how much interaction you want with certain people and how much energy you want to put into them. We have to start taking control. Even if you don’t like rules or authority and want to be free as a bird, having order and structure will help you live out that freedom more. You don’t have to become a type-A person and control everything, but if you’re like me, all about experiencing life without structure because it limits your free spirit, you’ll just get lost in it. Know that you need some kind of structure to focus your energy toward the person you want to become.

Sign 4: You Say Yes to Things That Don’t Help Your Mission

We do this because we care, because we’re capable, and because we know we could bring benefit to others. I see this with INFJs who are on the cusp of changing jobs, saying, “I feel bad for leaving my old coworkers because they need me.” They feel that if they leave, their coworkers wouldn’t thrive as they do now. That might be completely true, but it still isn’t reason enough for you to stay. Chances are, if you’re at a new place where your gifts are valued more, where you can bring even more of your energy, you can help people on a bigger scale. It can be more in alignment with who you are.

You see this dynamic play out everywhere, not just at work. Maybe there are projects you’ve taken on, and I understand wanting to honor commitments, but think about all the times you felt, “I can’t leave that because I’m capable of maintaining it.” Just because you’re capable of maintaining something or care about it doesn’t mean it’s the best place for you to grow. We have to have compassion for ourselves and say, “I know I can help here, and I’m not a bad person for abandoning that situation. I helped you this far, gave what I could, and now you can move forward with that.”

Say, “We had an amazing relationship as friends or coworkers. I wish you all the best for your future, but if I’m ready to take the next step, it’s on me to release you with love.” There’s nothing wrong with prioritizing yourself. By prioritizing your future and vision, you’re also creating opportunities to help others more. We have to come to terms with the fact that, although we want to help and inspire people, we can only do so if our cup of energy is overflowing. If you feel like you’ve expanded as much as possible within your current structure, it’s time to step into the next layer. That means cutting out some things to have energy to move forward and changing structures, but that can only happen if you’re willing to say no to things that don’t serve your next bigger mission.

Sign 5: You Don’t Believe Your Energy Deserves Protection

This is particularly difficult for INFJ men, but even for me, this was a hard one. You might think, “Why would my energy need protection?” The point is not that others should protect it, but that we should protect it. Just because we’re able to give so much doesn’t mean we’re actively valuing what we have to offer. Think of all the ways you can help, inspire, and uplift people with your calibration, energy, and presence. We have to value it first because that’s the only way we can be of service to the greater good.

Protecting our energy is all about priority management. It’s saying, “I have to prioritize myself first.” This is what I always mean by putting the oxygen mask on yourself first. This isn’t an act of selfishness or weakness; it’s an act of discernment and self-recognition. We have to start protecting our energy not only from others but also from ourselves. If you want to put your energy toward things that aren’t helping you become the person you want to be, it’s on us to discipline ourselves and say, “I’m responsible for putting my energy toward things that matter most to me, that will make my life fuller in ways that matter to me, not in ways where others need me or that feel convenient right now.”

You don’t have to be perfect, but there has to be something you say, “This is the main thing, and I have to start focusing on that.” For me, that meant removing so many aspects of my life and focusing on my channel. This wasn’t something that created income or brought popularity, but I knew it was my way of focusing on becoming the person I want to be and making my life fuller in ways that matter to me. That, in itself, was what I prioritized first and foremost.