How To Heal From Betrayal Trauma

Healing From Betrayal

Whether it’s a cheating partner, broken promises, or deception from family and friends, betrayal is heartbreaking, and our bodies react in ways that make it even harder to cope. To manage the shock, your mind goes into survival mode—fight-or-flight response, which triggers a significant increase in stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.

The symptoms that follow may include anxiety, depression, sleepless nights, self-isolation, flashbacks, and a deep sense of loss.

In all this chaos, you might even start wondering if you could have done something differently. But the truth is—you couldn’t. None of this is your fault. Healing takes time, but you absolutely can recover. Let’s talk about how.

1. Find Safety

This means distancing yourself physically and emotionally from the person who hurt you, at least for a while.

You must create a safe space for yourself. Set boundaries—even if drastic measures need to be taken, like cutting off contact completely.

Think of it like this:
if a snake bit you, would you chase it for answers? Of course not—you would treat the wound.

The same applies here. Focus on healing, not the source of the pain.

2. Mourn the Loss

Many cultures consciously set aside time for mourning because it helps us heal.

You are not only grieving what happened—you’re grieving:

your imagined future
the trust that was broken
and the person you were before all this

Let your emotions flow—anger, sadness, confusion. There is no wrong feeling.

Journaling, venting, creative outlets, or speaking with a therapist or support group are all powerful forms of release.

3. Take It Day By Day

Some days you’ll feel strong. Other days you’ll feel stuck and wonder if you’ll ever feel like yourself again. That’s normal.

Healing is never linear.

Use your strong days to move forward, and use difficult days to rest and care for yourself.

Let go gradually, at your own pace—just keep going.

4. Forgive When You’re Ready

The person most damaged by unforgiveness, anger, and grudges… is you.

Once you feel safe and have begun healing, consider forgiveness. Not to excuse the betrayal, but to free yourself from emotional captivity.

Start with yourself—
forgive yourself for not seeing the signs or for choices you regret. You are human. We are all learning.

Later, forgive them—not to let them back in, but to release resentment. Holding resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it hurts someone else—it only hurts you.

Sometimes forgiveness simply means setting yourself free.

5. Try the Hawaiian Practice of Hoʻoponopono

Place your hands on your heart and picture the person you want to forgive—even if that person is yourself.

Slowly repeat these four phrases:

I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you

Practicing this for 5–10 minutes daily can release emotional weight.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself—a release from heavy chains.

6. Calm Your Nervous System

Experiencing loss can trigger harmful emotional habits. If you feel tempted to numb yourself through substances or unhealthy coping, pause and breathe.

Try:

deep breathing
warm baths with Epsom salts or essential oils
restorative yoga
massage therapy

Prioritize self-care and treat yourself with compassion.

7. Stay Connected

When betrayed, people often isolate or numb themselves with TV, alcohol, or overworking. But healing never happens in isolation—it happens in community.

Every new connection helps. Explore friendships, hobbies, or new interests. Say yes to small opportunities—these remind you that life still holds goodness.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting the past. It means putting it behind you and learning to live despite it.

8. Gradually Rebuild Trust

Healing often means overcoming resistance to trusting again.

Ask yourself:

What did this teach me about myself?
About my values?
About boundaries?

Reflective journaling helps you regain clarity and self-esteem. Focus on lessons learned, not regrets. Choose to emerge wiser and stronger.

Challenge “all or nothing” thoughts like:
“Everyone will betray me.”

Remind yourself—not everyone is the same. Healing hearts can still trust again, slowly.

Believe You Can Heal

One day, you’ll remember those who hurt you—not with bitterness—but with peace. It may feel impossible now, but with time and self-compassion, healing becomes real.

In the meantime: